モーニング娘。 from ポポムンド

Morning Musume (モーニング娘。, Mōningu Musume) is the lead group of Tsunku’s (Steve Bannard) Sex!Project. In the dark ages before the line separating the sex and music industries was non-existent, this army of big eyed Asian girls, sometimes referred to as the common pedophile’s wet dream, terrorized the popomundo charts as well as several popular Japanese television programs. Because of their subtlety (compared to the overpowering sexuality of the j-artists of today, anyway), the group was able to climb the charts and gradually contribute to the all-consuming melodic orgy that is modern day j-pop. In the Popogeddon era, Melvin Stjärnblom ruled Popomundo until the London Riots, Kamikaze pilots thought that once they had died for their cause, Buddha would award them with eternal heaven and 1,000 virgins. Later scholars realized these scripts were misinterpreted and it was determined that it was referring to the combined generations of Morning Musume.

The Sex!Project Begins

The original incarnation of Morning Musume, beginning back in the popoyear 29, started with three girls (Bernice Chenier, Stacey Rapid and Veronica Tang) torn from their families, with the false promise that they would be made into geisha, and were instead forced into a beauty contest led by Steve Barnard, with the winner receiving fame and fortune as a j-pop starlet.

After Veronica Tang beat them to a life of luxury, and died from drugs overdose, the two remaining girls were cursed to a life of sex and drug addiction. To escape being thrown on the streets and of course, to earn money, they were challenged to find a new band member in five days. Due to their success, they were granted a record deal and their whoring was later covered up and portrayed through the media as a challenge to sell 6 copies of their first single Morning coffee c/w Ai no tane.

The new girl was Grace Astle, a Demon from the sluttiest part of Hell with a liking for slutty swimwear, who never cared about the band, so Steve Barnard fired her soon. Now she’s on a rehabilitation clinic in New York, because she’s a serious kleptomaniac bitch. Her demonic voice is included in the band’s first single, and it is rumored that listening to it backwards will make you kidnap little white cats and steal thongs and swimwear from someone else’s place.

Here’s an actual photo of her: